Sleepless Night

10 Sept 2008

3.08 am

I can’t sleep. I suddenly feel the need to write. I don’t own a laptop, so I am writing this with my own handwriting on my daily planner (Surprise, surprise! I do have a planner people)

I lit up my cigarette and started to think… about decision. Decisions that I have made so far throughout my life. You see, I am a terrible decision-maker. I hate to say this but that is the reason why I am here in the first place.

I even think about opportunity. The open doors that I refused to enter. Some people think that it is the best to grab what’s already in front of you. But people like me, we rather wait and wait… and wait until the best thing comes along. Or until whatever it is that we always wanted comes knocking on our doors. We wont settled for anything less.

I did make a few good decisions, and not to mention some really bad ones. I let go of opportunities and grab a few along the way that ‘feels right’. But that’s just me. Sometimes I based things (and decisions) on instinct and god knows it’s not always for the best.

But I don’t have any regret. Last time I check, I am a human and I am prone to making mistakes in life. And of course I’m fine! I’m holding on and I feel okay. I’ve been better and happier in the past. But what I have right now is not too bad either. I guess?

I am still not a full-time writer, like I’ve always pictured myself to be few years after the graduation. I am just an English lecturer. It’s not like I live on the street or anything. That is definitely one thing to be grateful for. My paycheck is not a hefty one but it does contribute to the expansion of my closet throughout the year. Ha-ha! It’s fabulous. I am actually “this” close to getting my driver’s license (I know right?!). I have a blog that 4000+ people have visited. Ha-ha! And I have friends that always stick around after all these years, even when we are all currently working all across the country.

So I’ve made bad decisions. I don’t always enter opened doors because sometimes I feel like it is for the best to actually knock on one. And my life’s okay… not too bad and I am not running around in excitement with my top off either.

And this blog that I have right here… This IS my little piece of heaven. My first step in chasing my dream.

Keep reading peeps.
Photo of angel statue lifted from HERE

Song playing inside my head: T.I's Whatever You Like